Things You Don't Want To Hear During a Surgery

HO s p i t a l

H U M O R

Things You Don't Want To Hear During a Surgery

- Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

- Hand me that... uh... whatever it's called !

- Oh no! I just lost my watch.

- "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

- Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

- Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

- Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?

- There go the lights again...

- Ya' know... there's big money in kidneys... and this guy's got two of 'em.

- Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

- Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.

- What's this doing here?

- I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

- That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

- Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

-You sure it wasn't this leg?

- OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

- Are his relatives waiting outside?

- Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

- Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

- What do you mean, "You want a divorce"!

- FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

- This scissor looks rusted.

- Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

- Isn't this the one with the really lousy insurance?

- Now from where did this spider come in from.

Tips for W o r k i n g Hard

Tips for

W o r k i n g Hard


1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands.

People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings.

People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet.

Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.


2. Use computers to look busy.

Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work.

When you get caught by your boss -and you *will* get caught - your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training expenses.


3. Messy desk.

Build huge piles of documents around your workspace.

To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts.

Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.


4. Voice Mail.

Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing – they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live.

If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full" - a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.

5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed.

One should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.


6. Appear to Work Late.

Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read, but have no time until late before leaving.


7. Creative Sighing for Effect.

Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are very hard pressed.


8. Stacking Strategy.

It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc... You can always borrow from library. Thick computer manuals are the best.


9. Build Vocabulary.

Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products.

Use it freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.


10. MOST IMPORTANTLY: DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!

MOVIES NAMES - HUMOR

MOVIES NAMES - HUMOR

BY COMPUTER EXPERTS !!

Har Dil Jo CHAT Karega

Kaho na virus hai

Hum aap ke CUBICLE mein rahate hai

Hamara RESUME aap ke haath mein hai

JAVA wale OFFER le jayenge

Hum WALK-IN ja chuke sanam

Dhai akshar HRD ke

Jis Desh mein DOLLARS rahata Hain

Hum To US jaayega

Tera OFFER mil gaya

Sapne DOLLARS ke

PM ne phir yaada dilaya

Aa ab KUCH KAAM kare

RESUME se OFFER LETTER tak

Raju ban gaya IT MAN..!

JAVA wale ASP wale

US to jana hi tha

PACKAGE ho to aisa

COMPANY No.1

Dekhte dekhte SHARES mil Gaya

PLATFORM apna apna

Yeh H1 kab aayegi

PM ek numbari PROGRAMMER Dus Nambari

Ek tha VACANCY

Mera Naam BODYSHOPPER

INTELLIGENCE TEST

INTELLIGENCE TEST - QUIZ FOR THE WISE GUY !
Time Limit: 2 Weeks.

What colour was Rana Pratap's WHITE horse?

If D.D is the short form of DOORDARSHAN, what's the long form?


Would you ask William Shakespeare to:
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army
(d) WRITE A PLAY

Metric conversion.
How many feet in 0.0 meters?

What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?


What language is spoken in RUSSIA?

How to you spell PURPLE?

Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the

previous five.


Where does rain come from?
(a) Himalayas
(b) Trees
(c) Indian Ocean
(d) the sky

Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no

What are coat hangers used for?

Which creature is called Giraffe?

Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium
-OR-spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

Where is the first floor in a three story building located?


Advanced math: If you have three apples how many apples do you have?

STUPID'S EXAM PAPER

STUPID'S EXAM PAPER

[This one's little difficult than last year's]

1. Write your name in less than 20 minutes and 20 letters (only alphabet are allowed, no numeric
digits or "_" allowed)

2. Sex?
( ) Male
( ) Female
( ) Don't know.

3. What's your age group?
( ) less than 0
( ) equal to 0
( ) greater than 0

4. What is 2 + 2=?
( ) FOUR
( ) 4
( ) IV

5. If you have one brother, how many brothers
does your brother have?
( ) none
( ) one
( ) question is too personal

6. Complete the following sentence... (4marks)
______ ________ ________ _________ .

7. If there are 365 days in a year, how many days make a year?

8. Read the statement carefully and answer the following question:
"My mother's daughter's brother's mother's mother's daughter's husband's wife is my mother herself".

Q. How many times the word "mother" appears in the above statement?
( ) None
( ) some times
( ) uncountable

9. If someone gives you a rupee for 100 paise, would you get:
( ) One rupee?
( ) 100 paise?

10. Write an Essay on "MYSELF" in not more than three sentences...
(HINT: My Name is ___________ (same as in [1] ).
I am a _______(boy/girl). (I am writing an essay.)

11. If the time is 3.00 a. m., what does your digital watch show?

12. At what time does the 11.16 hours Indrayani Express come?

13. What do you do on a honeymoon?
( ) Collect Honey
( ) Admire Moon
( ) Collect Honey while admiring the moon

14. Earth is Flat?
( ) False
( ) Indeed False

15. If A = B and B = C then is B = A?
( ) TRUE
( ) NOT FALSE
( ) OUT OF SYLLABUS

16. If you eat lunch during lunchtime, what will you have during dinnertime?

17. Think and write the present tense of THOUGHT.

18. Complete the following poem:
Mary had a little lamb
Little lamb little lamb_ (HINT: "." or "@" or"^")

19. This is question number
( ) 1
( ) 19
( ) 20

20. If 2 + 3 = 5, 3 + 2 = 5??
( ) YES
( ) I FORGOT TO GET MY CALCULATOR

21. Write full form of ASAP, as soon as possible ( Hint...As Soon as.. )

22. Opposite of the word "IN" is
( ) NOT IN
( ) CRICKET
( ) HOCKEY


23. What is the capital of India?
( ) India
( ) INDia
( ) INDIA

24. a, e, i, o and u are collectively called "vowels". What are e, a,o, u and i called?

25. Fill in the blank:
I am _________ a letter.
( ) READING
( ) WRITING
( ) SEALING

26. Who was the first MAN to land on moon?
( ) MR. ARMSTRONG
( ) MISS ARMSTRONG
( ) MRS ARMSTRONG

27. What comes first?
( ) the Egg
( ) the Omelet

28. Can you count more than five using your hands?
( ) YES
( ) NO

29. Spell M-Y-T-H-O-L-O-G-Y

30. Mrs. Sinha is Mr. Sinha's
( ) Father
( ) Brother
( ) Son
( ) Daughter

31. Car A starts from X and car B starts from Y. X and Y are located 100 miles apart from each other. How many wheels does each car have?
( ) One
( ) Four
( ) Seven

32. To reach the 12th floor of the World Trade Center, how many buttons would you press in the elevator?
( ) ONE
( ) TWELVE

33. Complete the following series [this question carries 3 marks]
1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, _, _, _.

34. This one tests your imagination. SUN is nearer to India than AMERICA because...
( ) SUN is smaller than AMERICA
( ) One can see SUN, but not AMERICA
( ) I do not have any time left to think on this one.

35. On which day Good Friday falls
( ) Sunday
( ) Wednesday
( ) Saturday

Computer Terms funny

Computer Terms funny

486 - The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete - Any computer you own.

Microsecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

G3 - Apple's new Macs that make you say "Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought

for the same price a Microsecond ago."

Syntax Error - Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and

money is no object."

Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error.

GUI - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced "gooey")

Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and

on business trips.

Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.

System Update - A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

Things You'd Love To Say At Work... But Can't

Things You'd Love To Say At Work... But Can't

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck.

Funny Definitions, Funny word meanings

Abundance - A baker's exercise (A-bun-dance)
Arbitrator - A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
Arcade - A lemonade type drink served on Noah's Ark.
Avoidable - What a bullfighter tries to do.
Babysitter - A small child that has not learned to crawl or walk.
Baloney - Where some hemlines fall.
Band-Aid - A fund to help a band.
Bernadette - The act of torching a mortgage.
Burglarize - What a crook sees with.
Cadillac - Lack of cattle.
Contents - Where con men sleep while on a camping trip.
Control - A short, ugly inmate.
Cookout - The cook's day off.
Counterfeiters - Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Cowlick - Bashing a cow.
Cowhide - Game of Hide and Seek played by cows.
Detail - Removing a tail.
Dieting - The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.
Dog Paddle - A rolled-up newspaper with which to punish a dog without hurting it.
Doughnut - Holey food.
Eclipse - What a Cockney barber does for a living.
Eyedropper - A clumsy ophthalmologist.
Fan Club - A weapon used by a celebrity so he won't be crushed by fans.
Feather Brained - Fuzzy headed.
Feather Head - An American Indian Chief.
Fire Escape - A way for a fire to go out.
First Lady - Eve.
Flying Saucers - The wife is on a rampage.
Funny Paper - (1) A paper that laughs. (2) The paper you read instead of going to church.
Ghost Town - A town full of Haunted Houses.
Girl Scout - A boy that "scouts" for girls.
Good-bye - A bargain.
Gossip - 24-hour teller.
Handicap - A head cover that is easy to locate and wear.
Hardship - A ship protected by thick cover.
Hatchet - What a hen does to an egg.
Hay - Grass a-la-mowed.
Headlight - A dizzy spell.
Heavy Duty - Loading an elephant.
Hence - An enclosure around a hen yard.
Heroes - What a guy in a boat does.
High school - A school atop the Sears Building.
High water - The main reason Noah built the ark.
Himalaya - A rooster that lays an egg.
Holy Smoke - A church on fire.
House Keeper - A lady that kicks her husband out and keeps the house.
Ideal Person - A card player that wants to deal everytime.
Illegal - A sick bird.
Installment - Putting a horse in a stall.
Lad - A short ladder.
Laughing Stock - Cattle, horses, sheep and hogs responding to a good joke.
Layaway Plan - A pre-arranged burial plan.
Laying Down The Law - Putting the law aside and making your own rules.
Left Bank - What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
Life Jacket - A special coat that lasts a lifetime.
Lip Service - Applying lipstick.
Little Dipper - A small boy diving.
Long Jump - When the cow jumped over the moon.
Matchbook - A book about matches.
Megaphone - A very large telephone.
Mistletoe - Any animal with a toe missing.
Misty - How golfers create divots.
Mohair - What bald headed men need.
Monkey Business - A petstore employing monkeys only.
Moron - Someone that spent all night studying for a blood test.
Moth Ball - A special social event for moths.
Negative Feedback - One result of seasickness.
Network - The process of making nets.
Outfit - Pitching a fit outdoors.
Over Leap - When the cow jumped over the moon.
Overloaded - An elephant riding a bicycle.
Oyster Bed - A place for an oyster to sleep.
Pacifist - One that can't advocate peace without clinching his fist.
Paradox - Two physicians.
Parasites - What you see from the top of the EiffelTower.
Pedestrian - An endagered species.
Period - A comma that curled up and went to sleep.
Pharmacist - A helper on the farm.
Piggyback - A lost pig is back home.
Pigment - A mint plant grown to feed hogs.
Pineapple - An apple that grew on a pine tree.
Polarize - What penguins see with.
Pole Vault - A vault where poles hid from Hitler.
Polite - A light on a pole.
Polygon - A parrot that got away.
Priesthood - A special headpiece for a priest.
Primate - Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
Protest - Testing a professional person.
Put-down - To hot to handle.
Quarterback - Change when you pay for a 75¢ item with a dollar bill.
Reform - To gain or lose weight.
Refuse - Replacing a burned out fuse.
Relief - What trees do in the spring.
Remind - A brain transplant.
Rest Stop - The traffic light is stuck on red.
Retire - Replacement of tires.
Ringworm - Worm with a bell.
Rock Music - A lullaby sung in a rocking chair.
Roman - A person that never settles very long in one place.
Sausage - "Groundog".
Scorekeeper - Someone that knows the score but keeps it to himself.
Showoff - The show has been cancelled.
Selfish - What the owner of a seafood store does.
Single Entry - Single people only.
Standing Order - Freeze!
Subdued - Like, a guy who, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man.
Sudafed - Brought litigation against a government official.
Sunny - A bright boy.
Sunbeam - A heat proof beam supporting the sun.
Sunburn - What you basked for.
Sundial - An old-timer.
Sweater - A person that freely perspires.
Syntax - All the money collected at the church from sinners.
Teenagers - People who are doing the things you wish we had thought of when we were younger.
Time Keeper - A guy that didn't return your watch.
Tireless - Have a car but have no tires.
Tooth Picks - The choices many dentists give patients to select their artificial teeth.
Touch-Me-Not - A person with a severe sunburn.
Travelers Aid - A soft drink for tourists.
Vitamin - What you do when someone comes to the house.
Waffle Iron - A special additive to put more iron in waffles.
Waterfall - A "watered-down" place in a stream.
Well Done - A water, gas or oil well is completed.
Weekend - A book with a blah ending.
Whether - Unpredictable weather.
Wildlife - Living it up!
Witchcraft - Handmade crafts made for Halloween.
Woodchuck - Throwing a heavy pole, post or other item made of wood.
Workout - An outside job.
Writer - One who corrects a wrong.
Year Book - A book that takes a year to read.
Zero Hour - Time kept by a "cuckoo" clock.

ATM FUNNY STUFF

ATM FUNNY STUFF

Difference between men and women when getting cash from an ATM

Men

1. Drive to the bank, park, go to the cash dispenser
2. Insert card
3. Dial code and desired amount
4. Take the cash, the card and the slip

Women

1. Drive to the bank
2. Engine stalled
3. Check make-up in the mirror
4. Apply perfume
5. Manually check haircut
6. Park the car - failure
7. Park the car - failure
8. Park the car - success
9. Search for the card in the handbag
10. Insert card, rejected by the machine
11. Throw phonecard back in handbag
12. Look for bank card
13. Insert card
14. Look for the chit (where secret code written) in handbag
15. Enter code
16. Study instructions for 2 minutes
17. #Cancel#
18. Re-enter code
19. #Cancel#
20. Call Boyfriend/husband to get correct code
21. Enter huge amount
22. #Error#
23. Enter large amount
24. #Error#
25. Enter smaller amount
26. Cross fingers
27. Take cash
28. Go back to the car
29. Check make up in rear mirror
30. Look for keys in handbag
31. Start car
32. Drive 50 meters
33. STOP
34. Drive back to bank machine
35. Get out of the car
36. Take card and ticket back from machine
37. Go back to the car
38. Throw card on passenger seat
39. Throw slip on the floor
40. Check make up in rear mirror
41. Manually check haircut
42. Go into roundabout - wrong way
43. BRAKE!!
44. Go into roundabout - right way
45. Drive 5 kilometers
46. Remove hand brake
47. Stop at mall
48. Spend money
49. Go back to step 1

warning Labels

warning Labels

Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a hairdryer : Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of sweets:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be how?)

On some frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion!)

On a dessert: Do not turn upside down.
*printed on bottom of the box* (Too late! You lose!)

On a Pudding packet:
Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment. )

On packaging for an iron:Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?) (Whose body?)

On Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents
if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On a sleep medicine:
Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children. (Or pets! What's for dinner?)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or
outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space? Or underground?)

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On peanuts packet: Warning: contains nuts.
(Not to mention the nut who wrote the warning )

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open
packet, eat nuts.
(DDDUUUHHH)


On a childs superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

Love Quotes

Love is a many splendid thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love!
~ from the movie Moulin Rouge ~

---------------------------------

Other men said they have seen angels,
But I have seen thee
And thou art enough.
~ by G. Moore ~

---------------------------------

I would fly you to the moon and back if you'll be . . . if you'll be my baby.
~ From a song by Savage Garden ~

---------------------------------

I love you - those three words have my life in them.
~ by Alexandrea to Nicholas III ~

-----------------------------------

What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
~ by Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

-------------------------------------

I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion -
I have shudder'd at it.
I shudder no more.
I could be martyr'd for my religion

----------------------------------------------
Love is my religion
And I could die for that.
I could die for you.
~ by John Keats ~

--------------------------

I'd like to run away
From you,
But if you didn't come
And find me ...
I would die.
~ by Shirley Bassey ~

------------------------------

When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out.
~ by Elizabeth Bowen (1899-1973) ~

-------------------------------

The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is to love and be loved in return.
~ From "Unforgettable with Love" by Natalie Cole

--------------------------------

Soul meets soul on lover's lips.
~ by Percy Bysshe Shelly ~

-----------------------------

I have found men who didn't know how to kiss.
I've always found time to teach them.
~ by Mae West ~

-------------------------------

No man is truly married
until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
~ by Unknown ~

-------------------------

You will never know true happiness
until you have truly loved,
and you will never understand
what pain really is
until you have lost it.
~ by Anonymous ~

----------------------------------

To live is like to love -
all reason is against it,
and all healthy instinct for it.
~ by Samuel Butler, Life and love ~

---------------------------------

....A simple I love you means more than money....
~ by Frank Sinatra ~

----------------------------------

True love cannot be found where it truly does not exist,
Nor can it be hidden where it truly does.
~ by Anonymous ~

------------------------------------

Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage...
~ by Ambrose Bierce ~

--------------------------------

To be in love is merely to be
In a state of perpetual anesthesia:
To mistake an ordinary young man for a Greek god
Or an ordinary young woman for a goddess.
~ by H.L. Mencken ~

--------------------------------

Life without love is like a tree
Without blossom and fruit.
~ by Khalil Gibra ~

--------------------------------

I love thee, I love but thee
With a love that shall not die
Till the sun grows cold
And the stars grow old.
~ by Willam Shakespeare ~

------------------------------

Love is like war,
Easy to begin but hard to end.
~ by Anonymous ~

-----------------------------

Seduce my mind and you can have my body,
Find my soul and I'm yours forever.
~ by Anonymous ~

-----------------------------------

So dear I love him that with him,
All deaths I could endure.
Without him, live no life.
~ by William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet ~

-------------------------------

Love is like a friendship caught on fire.
In the beginning a flame, very pretty,
Often hot and fierce,
But still only light and flickering.
As love grows older,
Our hearts mature
And our love becomes as coals,
Deep-burning and unquenchable.
~ by Bruce Lee ~

-------------------------------

I have loved to the point of madness;
That which is called madness,
That which to me,
Is the only sensible way to love.
~ by F. Sagan ~

--------------------------------

She walks in beauty,
Like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes.
~ by Byron ~

-----------------------------------

Your voice makes me tremble inside
And your smile is an invitation
For my imagination to go wild.
~ by Anonymous ~

-----------------------------------

One word frees us
Of all the weight and pain in life,
That word is Love
~ by Socrates ~

--------------------------------

I have learned not to worry about love;
But to honor its coming with all my heart.
~ by Alice Walker ~

--------------------------

To love a person is to learn the song
That is in their heart,
And to sing it to them
When they have forgotten.
~ by Anonymous ~

--------------------------------

Did my heart love till now?
Forswear it sight,
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.
~ Romeo, Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare ~

--------------------------------------

The most precious possession that ever comes
To a man in this world
Is a woman's heart.
~ by Josiah G. Holland ~

---------------------------------------

And think not you can
Direct the course of love,
For love,
If it finds you worthy,
Directs your course.
~ by Gibran Kahlil Gibran ~

----------------------------------------

Love is a wonderful thing.
You never have to take it away
From one person to give it to another.
There's always more than enough to go around.
~ by Pamela de Roy ~

---------------------------------------

Love asks me no questions,
And gives me endless support...
~ by William Shakespeare ~

-------------------------------------

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature
To stop speech when words become superfluous.
~ by Ingrid Bergman ~

-------------------------------

Love is like a rumor,
Everyone talks about it,
But no one truly knows.
~ by Anonymous ~

----------------------------------

Love is like swallowing hot chocolate
Before it has cooled off.
It takes you by surprise at first,
But keeps you warm for a long time.
~ by Anonymous ~

----------------------------------

My love for you is a journey;
Starting at forever,
And ending at never.
~ by Anonymous ~

----------------------------------

Love is a haunting melody
That I have never mastered
And I fear I never will.
~ by William S. Burroughs ~

------------------------------------

A fool in love makes no sense to me.
I only think you are a fool
If you do not love.
~ by Anonymous ~

----------------------------------

Once in awhile,
Right in the middle of an ordinary life,
Love gives us a fairy tale.
~ by Anonymous ~

----------------------------------

True poets don't write
Their thoughts with a pen...
They release the ink that flows
From within their heart.
~ by Anonymous ~

-------------------------------------

The only things in life you regret,
Are the risks that you didn't take.
~ by Anonymous ~

----------------------------------

You love simply because you cannot help it.
~ by Kim Anderson ~

------------------------------------

The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love.
~ by Hubert Humprey ~

-----------------------------------

Hearts are not to be had as a gift
earts are to be earned...
~ by William Butler Yeats ~

-----------------------------------------

True love doesn't have a happy ending:
True love doesn't have an ending.
~ by Anonymous ~

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You don't love a woman because she's beautiful,
She is beautiful because you love her.
~ by Anonymous ~

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Love is not a matter of counting the years...
But making the years count.
~ by Michelle St. Amand ~

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Only love let's us see normal things
In an extraordinary way.
~ by Anonymous ~

---------------------------------

A heart that loves is always young.
~ by A Greek Proverb ~

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To get the full value of joy
You must have someone to divide it with.
~ by Mark Twain ~

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Love doesn't sit there like a stone.
It has to be made like bread;
Remade all the time,
...Made new.
~ by Le Guin ~

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My bounty is as boundless as the sea,
My love as deep;
The more I give to thee
The more I have,
For both are infinite.
~ by William Shakespeare ~

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Love is that condition in which
The happiness of another person
Is essential to your own.
~ by Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land ~

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I only wish to be the fountain of love
From which you drink,
Every drop promising eternal passion.
~ by Unknown Author ~

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If I know what love is,
It is because of you.
~ by Herman Hesse ~

---------------------------------

You may only be one person to the world
But you may also be the world to one person.
~ by Anonymous ~

---------------------------------

A part of you has grown in me.
And so you see, it's you and me
Together forever and never apart,
Maybe in distance, but never in heart.
~ by Anonymous ~

--------------------------------

Age does not protect us from love,
But love to some extent protects us from age.
~ by Anonymous ~

---------------------------------

You can give without loving,
But you cannot love without giving.
~ by Amy Carmichael ~

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There are no guarantees.
From the viewpoint of fear,
None are strong enough.
From the viewpoint of love,
None are necessary.
~ by Anonymous ~

---------------------------------

To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.
~ by Karen Sunde ~

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Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself
But if your love and must needs have desires,
Let these be your desires:

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To melt and be like a running brook

That sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart

And give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer

For the beloved in your heart

And a song of praise upon your lips.
~ by Gibran Kahlil Gibran ~

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Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it .. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
~ by The Holy Bible, New International Version Ephesians 5:25-33 ~

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Love doesn't make the world go round,
Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
~ by Elizabeth Browning ~

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Love me without fear
Trust me without questioning
Need me without demanding
Want me without restrictions
Accept me without change
Desire me without inhibitions
For a love so free....
Will never fly away.
~ by Dick Sutphen ~

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Love is a burning desire,
That makes your heart light on fire,
Love is being with you,
Someone saying I love you too,
Love is your tender kiss,
Something you don't want to miss,
Love is you and me,
And that is all I see.
~ by Anonymous ~

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If I go away
What would still remain of me?
The ghost within your eyes?
The whisper in your sighs?
You see...Believe
And I'm always there.
~ by Jon Oliva ~

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The greatest weakness of most humans
Is their hesitancy to tell others,
How much they love them
While they're alive.
~ by O.A. Battista ~

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My love, you know you are my best friend.
You know that I'd do anything for you
And my love, let nothing come between us.
My love for you is strong and true.
~ by Sarah McLachlan ~

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I sought for Love
But Love ran away from me.
I sought my Soul
But my Soul I couldn't see.
Then I sought You,
And I found all three.
~ by Unknown Author ~

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The best feelings are those that
Have no words to describe them....
~ by Michelle Hammersley ~

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Let the world stop turning,
Let the sun stop burning,
Let them tell me love's not worth going through.
If it all falls apart,
I will know deep in my heart,
The only dream that mattered had come true
...In this life I was loved by you.
~ by Bette Midler ~

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We are all born for love...
it is the principle existence and it's only end.
~ by Disraeli ~

-------------------------------

We can only learn to love by loving.
~ by Iris Murdoch ~

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May no gift be too small to give,
nor too simple to receive,
which is wrapped in thoughtfulness
and tied with love.
~ by L.O. Baird ~

---------------------------------

Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness.
~ by Oliver Wendell Holmes ~

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The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.
~ by Maulana Jalalu'ddin Rumi ~

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Love is a fruit in season at all times,
and within the reach of every hand.
~ by Mother Teresa ~

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Since love grows within you, so beauty grows.
For love is the beauty of the soul.
~ by St. Augustine ~

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What the heart gives away is never gone ...
It is kept in the hearts of others.
~ by Robin St. John ~

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The human heart, at whatever age,
opens to the heart that opens in return.
~ by Maria Edgeworth ~

--------------------------------------------

Accept the things
To which fate binds you and
Love the people with whom fate
Brings you together
But do so with all your heart.
~ by Marcus Aurelius ~

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Love, you know, seeks to make happy rather than to be happy.
~ by Ralph Connor ~

--------------------------------

Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.
~ by Thomas Fuller ~

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The night has a thousand eyes, And the day but one;
Yet the light of the bright world dies, With the dying sun.
The mind has a thousand eyes, And the heart but one;
Yet the light of a whole life dies, When love is done.
~ by Francis W. Bourdillon ~

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Paradise is always where love dwells.
~ by Jean Paul F. Richter ~

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True love is eternal, infinite, and always like itself. It is equal and pure, without violent demonstrations: it is seen with white hairs and is always young in the heart.
~ Honore de Balzac ~

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The greatest tragedy of life is not that men perish,
but that they cease to love.
~ by W. Somerset Maugham ~

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Romantic love is a passionate spiritual-emotional-sexual attachment between a man and a woman that reflects a high regard for the value of each other's person.
~ by Nathaniel Branden ~

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Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals.
~ by J. Isham ~

-------------------------------

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
While loving someone deeply gives you courage.
~ by Lao Tzu ~

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Even though there may be times
It seems I'm far away
Never wonder where I am
'Cause I am always by your side.
~ by Celine Dion (The Power of Love) ~

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Things base and vile, holding no quantity,
Love can transpose to form and dignity.
Love looks not with the eye, but with the mind,
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.
~ by William Shakespeare ~

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A happy marriage has in it all the pleasures of friendships, all the enjoyment of sense and reason - and indeed all the sweets of life.
~ by Joseph Addison (The Spectator Magazine) ~

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Love does not die easily.
It is a living thing.
It thrives in the face
of all life's hazards,
save one--neglect.
~ by James Bryden ~

--------------------------------

Some pray to marry the man they love,
my prayer will somewhat vary:
I humbly pray to Heaven above
that I love the man I marry.
~ by Rose Stokes ~

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The most eloquent silence; that of two mouths meeting in a kiss.
~ by Unknown ~

------------------------------------

Love cannot endure indifference. It needs to be wanted. Like a lamp, it needs to be fed out of the oil of another's heart, or its flame burns low.
~ by Henry Ward Beecher ~

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The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.
~ by Pearl S. Buck ~

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Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
~ by 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ~

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All love that has not friendship for its base,
is like a mansion built upon the sand.
~ by Ella Wheeler Wilcox ~

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Love is the emblem of eternity: it confounds all notion of time: effaces all memory of a beginning, all fear of an end.
~ by Germaine De Stael ~

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Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.
~ by Samuel Lover ~

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The life and love we create is the life and love we live.
~ by Leo Buscaglia ~

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Love looks through a telescope; envy through a microscope.
~ by Josh Billings ~

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For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.
~ by Ivan Panin ~

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Love puts the fun in together,
The sad in apart,
The hope in tomorrow,
The joy in the heart.
~ by Anonymous ~

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A goal, a love and a dream give you total control over your body and your life.
~ by John Wayne Schlatter ~

--------------------------------------------------

Opposites attract, but after marriage, opposites attack. Most of the time, we are attracted to people who don't have the things that we have. Incompatibility is why we get married, but it's also used as a reason to divorce.
Incompatibility is just a lack of communication. If we just try to love [our spouse] the way we want to be loved, we are in trouble. Unless you communicate, it's difficult to know how to love another person.
~ by Dr. Charles Lowery ~

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True love begins when nothing is looked for in return.
~ by Antoine De Saint-Exupery ~

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In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities.
~ by Janos Arany ~

-----------------------------------------

Just because someone doesn't love you
in the way you want them to,
doesn't mean that they don't love you
with all they've got.
~ by Author unknown ~

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Love withers with predictability; its very essence is surprise and amazement. To make love a prisoner of the mundane is to take its passion and lose it forever.
~ by Leo Buscaglia ~

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Smile at each other, smile at your wife,
smile at your husband, smile at your children,
smile at each other--it doesn't matter who it is--
and that will help you to grow up in greater love
for each other.
~ by Mother Teresa ~

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A man falls in love through his eyes,
a woman through her ears.
~ by Woodrow Wyatt ~

--------------------------------------------

Love knows no reasons,
love knows no lies.
Love defies all reasons,
love has no eyes.
But love is not blind,
love sees but doesn't mind.
~ by Author unknown ~

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Love is sometimes denied, sometimes lost,
sometimes unrecognized, but in the end,
always found with no regrets, forever valued
and kept treasured.
~ by Unknown ~

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Sometimes we let affection,
go unspoken,
Sometimes we let our love
go unexpressed,
Sometimes we can't find words to tell
our feelings,
Especially towards those
we love the best.
~ by Author unknown ~

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The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvellous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life.
~ by Sir Hugh Walpole ~

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Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.
~ by Erich Fromm ~

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Think about it, there must be higher love
Down in the heart or hidden in the stars above
Without it, life is a wasted time
Look inside your heart, I'll look inside mine.
~ by Steve Winwood ~

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Love does not consist in gazing at each other
but in looking together in the same direction.
~ by Antoine de Saint-Exupery ~

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You come to love not by finding the perfect person,
but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.
~ by Sam Keen ~

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Love is always bestowed as a gift --
freely, willingly, and without expectation....
We don't love to be loved; we love to love.
~ by Leo Buscaglia ~

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Love grows by giving. The love we give away is the only love we keep. The only way to retain love is to give it away.
~ by Elbert Hubbard ~

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The most powerful symptom of love is a tenderness which becomes at times almost insupportable.
~ by Victor Hugo ~

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Inside the heart of each and every one of us there is a longing to be understood by someone who really cares. When a person is understood, he or she can put up with almost anything in the world.
~ by Rev Ed Hird ~

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True happiness and a fullness of joy can be found only in the tender and intimate relationships of the family. However earnestly we may seek success and happiness outside the home through work, leisure activities, or large bank accounts, we will never be fully satisfied emotionally until we develop deep and loving relationships.
~ by James J. Jones Ph.D. ~

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The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman's heart.
~ by Josiah G. Holland ~

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What we need to know about loving is no great mystery. We all know what constitutes loving behavior; we need but act upon it, not continually question it. Over-analysis often confuses the issue and in the end brings us no closer to insight. We sometimes become too busy classifying, separating, and examining, to remember that love is easy. It's we who make it complicated.
~ by Leo Buscaglia ~

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Romantic love reaches out in little ways, showing attention and admiration. Romantic love remembers what pleases a woman, what excites her, and what surprises her. Its actions whisper: you are the most special person in my life.
~ by Charles Stanley ( A Man's Touch) ~

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From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven. And when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, their streams of light flow together, and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being.
~ by Unknown ~

---------------------------------------------

It is the things in common
that make relationships enjoyable,
but it is the little differences
that make them interesting.
~ by Todd Ruthman ~

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Love is always open arms. If you close your arms about love you will find that you are left holding only yourself.
~ by Leo Buscaglia ~

-----------------------------------------

My heart to you is given:
Oh, do give yours to me;
We'll lock them up together,
And throw away the key.
~ by Frederick Saunders ~

-----------------------------------------

The heart is the place where we live our passions. It is frail and easily broken, but wonderfully resilient. There is no point in trying to deceive the heart. It depends upon our honesty for its survival.
~ by Leo Buscaglia (Born For Love) ~

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There is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved.
~ by George Sand ~

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Love is an act of endless forgiveness
A tender look which becomes a habit.
~ by Peter Ustinov ~

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The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.
~ by Helen Keller ~

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The courses of true love never did run smooth.
~ by William Shakespeare ~

------------------------------------------

But true love is a durable fire,
In the mind ever burning,
Never sick, never old, never dead,
From itself never turning.
~ by Sir Walter Raleigh ~

---------------------------------------------

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same.
~ by Flavia Weedn ~

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